


i don't know what i'm doing

by arsonenthusiast



Category: Splatoon, coroika - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV Second Person, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 08:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21268091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsonenthusiast/pseuds/arsonenthusiast
Summary: How Pink Team split.





	i don't know what i'm doing

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you say.

This has always been a fact of your life, but right now it’s true more than ever.

You’ve been alternating between playing with your team and the S4 for a little over a month now. You know that this can’t continue much longer. It’s exhausting, balancing the two.

You don’t want to choose a team.

(Well, more accurately, you want a safe way to stay with the rest of Pink Team without abandoning everything the S4 has worked towards. A way which doesn’t appear to exist.)

You know you don’t have the courage to tell the rest of the S4 that you don’t want to battle with them anymore (though it’s true). But you really, really don’t want to permanently leave Pink Team either. 

You know you can’t go on like this, what with the emotional exhaustion it’s causing, but you don’t know how to get out of this situation without hurting anyone that you care about.

(And, maybe you’re a bit afraid of what the public would think if one of the S4 split off from the rest. You’re not going to pretend that you’ve never taken public opinion into account. You’ve always feared what your fans think, at least a bit, even if you’ll never admit that out loud.)

You glance, out of the corner of your eye, at Octoglasses and Straw, who are laughing together on the opposite side of the room, before looking at Scuba, who is sitting next to you.

“What do you mean?” he asks, and you flinch. Somehow, you were hoping he wouldn’t ask.

You’re not sure if you want to admit it, but you do, eventually, feeling guilty the entire time, not able to look at his face.

He sighs. He doesn’t sound surprised, and confirms this suspicion as he speaks.

“Not gonna lie, I kinda saw this coming. Not sure if OG or Straw have noticed, but you’ve definitely seemed more tired since this whole S4 thing happened.”

You glance up, despite yourself. He doesn’t look mad, necessarily...just sad.

Like he knows what’s coming.

Suddenly, so do you.

You know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you aren’t going to be able to leave the S4, and from the looks of it, Scuba knows it too.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, and he smiles at you, clearly trying to hide his sadness from you in an attempt to make you feel better (it fails, needless to say).

“I can tell Straw and OG for you, if you like,” he says. 

Logically, you know that you should be the one to tell them. Realistically, you know that you wouldn’t be able to get the words out, so you nod, and thank him, and watch from a distance as he walks across the room to break the news. You watch as the happiness drains from their faces to be replaced by shock and a bit of betrayal, and when their gazes turn to you, you look away, desperately trying not to cry. After a moment, you stand up and leave without ceremony - you can’t bear to stay in that room another damn minute.

For a moment, you wish that you’d never become a part of the S4 - that you’d been just a little less talented, just a little bit worse, that you’d never been pulled into the S4 drama, with the constant eyes on you whenever you went out in public, being basically forced into a team with the others because that stupid Emperor wanted it, and everything that happened because of that one little decision.

Your phone buzzes, you look down, and it’s Army, and you’re caught in a strange place between being irrationally angry at the Inkling on the other side of the screen and feeling the same fondness you usually do whenever he texts you.

_ Are you free for a practice in an hour or so? _he’d asked. You send him a simple “yes”. He asks if the rest of your team is okay with it.

Your knuckles turn white as you grip the phone.

_ You don’t have to worry about them anymore. _

You put your phone back in your pocket, ignoring the rest of Army’s texts, opting to wander aimlessly through Inkopolis instead.

You think back to what you told Scuba earlier.

_ “I don’t know what I’m doing.” _

You’ve never wished more that that wasn’t true.

But it is, and now here you all are, separated, dealing with the consequences.

Throughout the next few days, you avoid familiar faces as much as possible, especially those you associate with the rest of what was once Pink Team, yet you still manage to run into both Forge and Blazer, neither of which are happy with you in the slightest.

They tell you, in no uncertain terms, that Straw and Octoglasses - particularly Octoglasses - are both wrecked by Pink Team splitting, and that this is your fault.

You already know. You wish they wouldn’t rub it in.

Eventually, they leave you alone, and you leave everyone else alone, only showing up to go to practice with the S4, and nothing else.

You know gossip is circulating throughout Inkopolis about Pink Team breaking up, so you stay out of sight as much as possible. You go for a week and a half with basically no social interaction outside of the S4 practices and those encounters with Forge and Blazer.

It gets to the point where Rider - you know, the guy who seems to be annoyed by your very existence - ends up seeking you out to make sure you’re okay.

When he shows up looking for you, even you know that this has gone on for a bit too long.

You don’t even try to bullshit him. Of course you’re not okay. Does anything about the way you’ve been lately even slightly suggest that you’re okay? Not as far as you know, no.

You say this, and he rolls his eyes and says, “Well, no shit. What do you take me for, a complete moron?”

“You’re the one who asked the stupid question.”

“Oh, shut up. Are you saying that you’d have responded well to something like, ‘Hey, Aloha, just how fucked up are you right now?’”

“…no.”

You stop talking. You don’t really feel like it.

As it turns out, neither does he.

The two of you sit in silence for awhile, and slowly, you feel your mind starting to shake off the haze it had been engulfed in for the past week and a half.

Eventually, Rider stands up, and says that he has to go, and leaves. You don’t outwardly react. Inwardly, you’re kind of grateful. In a weird way, that strange encounter was just what you needed.

You know that it will be a long time before you’ll be able to face the rest of Pink Team again, and even longer before you can become a real team again, but hey. You’ll get there eventually.

You still don’t know what you’re doing, but for the first time in a long time, you have hope that everything (or at least most things) might turn out alright.


End file.
